Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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