doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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