your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
