yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
