you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
