Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
