I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
