God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
