I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
