my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
