Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
