I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
soo... how was my night?
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