im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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