I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
