I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
