so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
