I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
