Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
