He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
