I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
