I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize