she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
