we made out on top of his cat.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
