she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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