Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
