shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
