In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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