Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
