i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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