there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
