It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
