We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize