at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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