Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
