So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
