wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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