It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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