i permit you to call me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
