I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
