and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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