Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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