mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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