Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You ate ashes out of my bong
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
