Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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