mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
