Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
