Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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