you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
the liver wants what the liver wants
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
