i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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