Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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