Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Boobs are out for the taking
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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