The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
