if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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