Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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