oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
