Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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