Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
