And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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