i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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