oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
