sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
