I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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